Things I am trying to accept about myself: I can’t think if there is mess around me. I wish I could power through, but no.
Thinking is really important. There are many, many things I want to do. I’ve been trying to get to them for months. That I haven’t is down to many things, but my inability to have a clear mind owing to the ongoing clutter situation in our home is part of it.
It’s not that we have SO very much. We have got rid of lots of things lots of times. I’ve definitely sent bags and boxes out, and dropped off piles of books in little libraries (without picking up any replacement books! Most of the time … and only once grabbing back a book I still wanted. Not bad?). But still, the piles and covered surfaces and too-full shelves are psychologically overwhelming to me.
Related self-realizations: though there are lots of things I like to have, I’m happier with less. A smaller volume of things brings me more joy than any individual item I could own. Getting rid of stuff and creating space releases my spirits more than acquiring new things to fill the space. In other words, overall, my life will be happier if I stop acquiring and start saying good-bye to more things.
Admitting this, and looking ahead to what fall will bring, my spouse and I have decided: time to make getting-done and clearing-out our priorities. I might as well admit that I simply am not going to write in any meaningful way until we have properly sifted through our possessions, found a home for everything (within reason, for now), and ticked off most of the outstanding items on our list.
Wow, just writing that feels AMAZING.
So, today, I re-tackled my clothes. I’ve gone through my clothes many, many, many, many times. So many. So many times, that today, all I could find to let go of were an old sports bra and a worn-out nightgown. And one scarf I’m going to somehow let go of. And a back pack that doesn’t fit comfortably. I think.
Somehow, not getting rid of clothes–even though I don’t have much–still felt unsatisfactory. Like I missed something. So I did a final walk-through before bed, touched every item and asked, “do I actually want to put this on my body?” Amazingly, the answer was yes. After I did this final check, I felt a surge of satisfaction. I believe I can now call this category complete! My understanding of joy may still be nascent (and I have thoughts about self-honesty and personal growth related to that), but I think I’ve got it for the clothes.