Procrastination: Problem or Sign?

I don’t want to work.
At least, I don’t want to work on a project for my business. I applied to do this workshop months ago, and assumed that by late August I’d have the energy and enthusiasm to pull it off. I’ve had a couple of months of just family time, caring for my daughter, cooking, reading, all the home nesting things that I love.

How come I can’t drag my attention to this workshop on a cool topic that I proposed myself? Why do I feel completely over my head? Where is my professional edge, driving me to succeed?

What I would much, much rather spend my time doing: Caring for my daughter. Organizing our family recipes. Continuing cleaning out, purging, organizing and making attractive every corner of our home. Writing. Developing an author’s website. Reading. Reading about home schooling. Planning home schooling. Visiting with friends. Researching nutrition for our family and planning out better meals. Sewing. Crafting. Walking. Doing any of dozens of mini-projects we have for our family, from the arenas of health through finance through spiritual development to disaster preparedness.

My heart is in my home. My energy is in my home. What can I learn from my complete lack of energy for this workshop? Should I – SHOULD I – push myself to do it? It’s not like work is fun for everyone all the time. Count my blessings, learn to do the hard work and do it.
I have a unique opportunity right now to choose where I expend my energy. I have the support of my spouse to select and pursue the path that is most true to my heart. I can see clearly where my heart is not – therefore, have the courage to say no to the opportunity/ball & chain.

I believe in hockey sticks

Second day of spring! So exciting! Woke up to snow!
The weather here is not what it was when I grew up. We used to have long, cold, snowy winters and long, hot summers. Lately, the seasons bleed into each other and it’s not predictable day to day what the weather will be.

Someone asked me once if I “believed in global warming.” I think I replied that I didn’t think it was a matter of belief. Now I would say that  I recognize that belief comes into any subject. I find it hard to evaluate the evidence on different sides of big debates: vaccines and diets come to mind. I know there are scientists and other people who have written contradictions to the global warming argument. In this case, knowing that the overwhelming body of evidence is on the global warming side, and having some awareness of the science-blind and manipulative politics behind climate denial, I would say that I believe in the existence of human-induced global warming and buy, 100%, the hockey stick graph (I never knew that name for it until a CBC interview on The Current last week).

Today was strange for other reasons. Work was busy. So many projects, so many connections to make, not nearly enough time. I pushed through and, I believe, got done all I needed though Monday will bring more.

I also got to participate in some scintillating back and forth regarding an upcoming workshop I’m supposed to do. Numerous people approached me with support and/or concerns, by phone and in person. I had the bemused pleasure of being told in a group email that the proposed workshop was a “waste of time,” followed by the real pleasure of being defended by someone who was initially skeptical. All of this I took with the flow, pleased with my ability not to take personally what was not personal.

And the day ended in the best possible way: 2+ delightful hours hanging out with my daughter in bed as we moved slowly but surely towards bedtime. Stories, songs, cuddling, playing, kissing, “this little piggy”ing, nursing, bottling and sleep. Time to bond with my favourite little person ever, who delights me more and more each day (she says “apple” now! and ball! (bau). Love!!)