Earlier this week I had a miscarriage. Yesterday I was fired. It hardly seems worth adding that they found 2 cavities at my dentist appointment. It is a lot in a short time, and I’m a bit amazed that I’m still standing. But I am, and smiling, and kind of excited about the future.
I am going to give myself as much time as I need to unfold the varied emotions, worries and negativities associated with this week’s events. It is incredibly sad that we lost our baby. I loved many things about my work and was very good at it. There are financial realities to contend with now. I don’t really know what kind of work I might do, or what the next while of being a stay-at-home mom will look like.
I also am choosing to believe that things will work out. I had a brief flash of realizing that I could let myself be swamped with worry and sadness, or I could choose faith. Tremendous faith in the goodness of the universe and in hosts of intangible but very real assistance that surrounds us, just waiting to be tapped. Faith in myself: in my body to produce life, in my skills and contributions as an employee, in my ability to attract meaningful, well-paying work. Faith in my family: in my daughter’s love, husband’s support, in the unity of our broader family in pulling through hard times.
And regarding being fired, I confess to an unreasonable degree of excitement. I get a few months’ severance as part of our collective agreement. I’ve been itching to try other work, but haven’t found the time or resources to pursue it. I can now leave behind all the stressful, tedious parts of my job and focus on looking for work that best inspires and challenges me. And summer is approaching, and now I get to spend TIME with my daughter in a way I haven’t since mat leave.
I know I’ll face uncertainties over the next months, but am choosing to enroll in the Faith Challenge and know that things will work out. And in two weeks, I’ll get my cavities filled and all will be well.
I’ve miscarried and had a very unceremonious job-losing experience myself, but wouldn’t have been brave enough to put it out there in the universe. I applaud your spirit, Kamilla. You seem to be right where you should be at this moment.
Thanks Regan! With all the amazing supportive people I’m hearing from, it doesn’t feel brave, but thank you all the same. I appreciate your sharing here.
Well! I wonder what awaits you around the corner. I remember when I moved to Guelph for a new job and bought a house. Less than 2 years later, my hours were cut and I was afraid of losing my home. That’s when I starting taking students and guess who moved in with our wee family: YOU! I’m sure you have already heard this but sometimes we need a shove out of the nest of our comfort zone and severance is a wonderful thing. How fortunate we are! Enjoy this precious time with your little girl. Imagine! If you didn’t get fired, you wouldn’t have this special time with her.
I know! And I loved living with your family. Who knows what’s next? After my very first day home with her I’m completely wiped 🙂 but I think that’s left-over adrenalin and up at 5 a.m. talking. I’m determined to get the most out of this transition because soon enough, I’ll be on to something else.