Integrating my split personality

I sometimes feel like two different people. One of me is very career and accomplishment oriented. I like challenges, I want to change things, put ideas out there, work with others and make things happen. I love to tackle opportunities that come my way, relish chances to collaboration, and don’t say no (or don’t want to) to any chances that come my way: speaking opportunities, small contracts, writing assignments, on and on. This part of me is excited, energized, intellectual, social, successful.
The other part of me is all about family, community, the earth. I want nothing more than to be a stay-at-home mom with my amazing girl. I want to plan and make more and more food from scratch, grow our own, make things together, and have a homestead lifestyle to the extent possible. My crafty side wants to sew things with and for my girl and the rest of my family. I dream of moving to a smaller place, getting land with family and settling down in our we-built eco-friendly home.

I love both these parts of me, but sometimes it’s hard to see how they can coexist. The career and work side takes time and, as I currently do it and enjoy it, involves paid outside employment that takes time and necessitates a certain geographic location. The home side also requires time: no outside job so I can be home, time for gardening and other tasks. Location is also less likely to involve the city we currently live in.

I had a conversation at work today that got me fired up about all the possibilities my job holds, and all the amazing projects I can pursue. I want to!! Then I consider my other priorities: family, self-care, home. And I wonder how a balance or a new conceptualization can occur. I’m sure there are ways to make these work together, but for now, it feels disjointed and uncomfortable. Such is life prior to a break-through!

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