Today was one of those busy days (with admittedly a good dose of procrastination) and tired evenings where, once I sit down to blog, all the interesting topics I thought of writing about today vanish from my head. Baby just went to sleep and the house is mainly clean thanks primarily to husband who did a lot of cleaning and planning ahead today. I did a round of clean-up while he bathed baby, putting away laundry, sorting the kitchen, putting diapers to wash, emptying the dishwasher. It’s amazing how much work can be left even after a reasonably thorough clean-up!
That train of thought leads me to a related observation: housework is never done. Perhaps not original, but particularly striking for me of late. We really have done a pretty good job of decluttering our things. No piles of junk, no newspapers, most extra clothes gone, books thinned, baby’s toys down to the ones she plays with. We pick up after ourselves. Yet by the end of a quiet evening at home, there could easily be 1.5 hours or more of housework to do. Astonishing!
This leads to a dream, goal, elusive state I pursue: to pare down our lifestyle so this excess work can be minimized. I think I’m chasing a chimera, but I’m willing to keep pursuing because I would really love more time to do other things. WRite, for example. Which I may or may not get to tonight, tired as I am. Reading an escapist novel seems more fun.
As I write this post I”m acutely aware of an article I read today about pronoun use and what it says about our psychological state. I wonder, does saying “I think” in the last paragraph (or “I wonder” in this one), project a lack of confidence or competence?
As I type I’m also comparing this experience with typing on my NEW WORK LAPTOP! Arriving just yesterday, the new Macbook Pro promises to be a sleek and enticing toy to use for minutes, presentations and that’s about it. Oh, if I’m lucky I’ll fit in a video editing seminar at work and then edit small videos for our website too :). It’s cleanness, neatness, ease of set-up (open and use … brilliant!) contrast with the slooooowness of my own laptop, now almost 2.5 years old. It probably just needs a clean-out, but it has been frustratingly slow for the past month or more. Long delays while surfing, even typing.
I missed bay more than usual today. I kept imagining her intense sweet face with those dark eyes staring out at me as I drove off to work. I had a conversatino with another woman at work today who returned to work from mat leave at about the same time. She is also feeling unbalanced (5 days a week, 2 kids) but without other options right now. The world just isn’t perfect. Moms and babies deserve more flexibility and support for the crucial first few years. I still am not settled on being a working mom, particularly with my baby the age she is. Yet I don’t have a lot of choice right now. So it is.
enough randomness. Good-night.