The last few days I’ve found myself somewhat irritating. I talk too much, am occasionally rude, frequently negative or critical, sometimes insensitive, off-topic, and oddly impatient with baby (note: internally impatient, externally loving :)).
I think this is kind of cool. First because becoming older is about self-acceptance and I ACCEPT that I can be irritating! But mainly because my noticing these things strikes me as an early sign of personal growth.
Saying my prayers daily, specifically the obligatory prayer, is a daily spiritual reset. The prayers reorient me to my priorities and set me on a path of transformation. And transformation often starts with recognizing where you are. Or even more basic, just seeing yourself. That I”m seeing myself and, non-judgmentally, noting things about myself that I don’t love, lets me know that I”m on the path to self-awareness and change.
Also interesting that these personal attributes have mainly arisen in social situations. That only makes sense as it is in interaction that we really see ourselves. Also interesting is that I’ve actually BEEN in social situations lately :). I think the prayers are also driving an outward-reaching focus and opening me to pursuing friendships more fully.
Well, work starts tomorrow. I’m not ready. It was another extremely long day with lots of great things in it (awesome long walk with baby; good time with husband; great visit with friends and discussion on giving). Baby didn’t nap until 3:30 (well, okay, she had a 5- minute nap in the morning) so nighttime has taken until 10 p.m. On the plus side: bags are packed, lunches and milk ready for the morning, outfits for the week chosen, breast pump sussed out (one part is missing for the hands-free setting). Left to do this week: meal planning.