Today I nearly had a melt-down. And made it back to normal or better.
Why the emotional collapse? The usual: dwelling on the negative, and baby not doing what I wanted. Ridiculous reasons, really. I know better than to focus on the dark side, but in relation to baby cooperation and breastfeeding, it’s where I go constantly. And I KNOW that the purpose of babies is to do what they need to do and help their parents grow by learning to deal with lack of control. Yet I resist.

Today baby wouldn’t nap (twice) because she didn’t get enough milk and I didn’t have a bottle ready for her. Once she’s crying and awake, it’s game over for that round. I was ready to do something … I have no idea what, aside from getting ready to bundle her into a stroller and walk really fast in circles – when my parents came by on their way up from Van. Relief. Mom looked after baby while I decompressed.

Eventually they left and baby & I walked. Almost 2 hours of walking and she only fell asleep a few blocks from home. She was starting to cry and I put her in the Ergo – magic solution, in spite of my frustration, as she started to smile, laugh, relax and became instantly happy. And then fell asleep. Aaaah … :). Slept for almost 2 hours, I got things done, and felt much calmer after.

Talked things through with my husband – I feel much better about getting some perspective and managing my emotions around baby.

Other good things: the house is getting CLEAN! We love to come home to a clean house so it’s all getting done, including long-overdue vacuuming.

Then, I went to drumming tonight. my old teacher invited some friends, musicians, former students etc. to practice once a week for the next few months and see if it goes anywhere. I haven’t drummed (afro-cuban) since I was pregnant. Such fun!! We worked on 2 rhythms, yambu and guaguanco. I got to play most parts, with some prompting. The feeling of being in the groove with a 5-part rhythm is awesome. Great group of people, too – very friendly and collaborative.

Then, magical baby bedtime: nurse, play, tiniest of cries, roll over and [toss around a bit and] sleep. Aaah 🙂

Then read a great article on Finnish education. Husband and I both agree we want to live in Finland at some point. Odd, given my dislike of the cold, but I’ve really enjoyed Finland the few times I’ve been there. It feels fun and exotic and well-organized and attractive and a good place to spend some time, even in winter.

Now, baby’s sleeping, husband’s cleaning, I’m wrapping up random things before attempting (I think) to bake cookies. Tomorrow we go on vacation, visiting my mother-in-law, sister & family and seeing friends. Life is good.

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