Now now now

I want to work harder on being in the now. Right now. Not tomorrow, the distant future, any other time.
This morning we were out at the car, getting ready to go. I was standing around while my husband played a bit with baby. All was well. Baby was super happy. The car was a bit cold. I found myself looking eagerly forward to the time when we will have a house with a carport right by the house so it will be faster, easier, safer to load the bags and warm the car before starting out for the day.

Will I be any happier when that time comes? In spite of the amount of time and energy I put into imagining that scenario, I would have to say no. I’m pretty happy now. I hope I will be then. And whether or not we have a covered carport probably won’t influence my love of my baby, my busyness in the morning, my ability to enjoy the good things about my day.

I read a brief article today by a woman whose child has Tay-Sachs syndrome. He probably won’t live past age 3. I can’t imagine having an expectation like that for my child. She wrote that without hopes for a future – the long-term future on which parenting is based – she is learning all the more about the importance of enjoying the now. Every day, moment with her child.

I’m reading “Better Off” about a couple that move to an extreme technologically-free community for 18 months. The reality and now-ness of not having technology to mediate one’s experience is inspiring. Your activities are directly connected to your well-being. Everything has a purpose. And everything is very real.

I think I need to get back to spirituality and prayer and meditation. It’s the only thing I know that can bring me back into the now. And since today is a holy day (the birth of one of the two founders of the Baha’i Faith) I will spend some time doing just that. A bit tonight. More tomorrow.


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