This moment is only here now. And each moment and each day, I don’t live up to my hopes for being a mother. But I also love and treasure the moments (most moments – some are not quite so much fun!).
Like earlier today, out doing errands, carrying and loving my daughter but still carting her all around, in and out of stores and businesses, keeping her distracted and occupied so I could get my work done. Yes, these are things that need doing (car insurance renewed; goat’s milk to feed her, goat’s cheese to feed me, return an expensive item). Yet how am I choosing to use my day off? And when I get home – do I truly focus in on her and play with her? Especially when the house is a mess?
Just now my daughter woke up crying and disoriented. I picked her up, held her, nursed her. When she finished one side she signed “more” in a jerky fashion, rubbing her eyes. Poor sleepy girl! I put her on the other side, covered her with a sheet, and held her as she nursed. Then she finished, stretched, and curled up into my chest to sleep. A sleeping beauty, nestled into my chest, body moving with her breath, eyes dark and peaceful, little lips softly open. Nothing could be more perfect.
So I treasure each moment. And even when they pass and I can’t get them back, I can take comfort in knowing that more moments are coming, times when I can try once again to get it right.