This blog is not about my daughter. However … since she is my constant companion and sweet little love, many of my experiences and insights come from her.
This one was inspiring and rejuvenating. And cute.

She has developed a habit of popping off my breast while nursing to play with my nipple – push it in, it bounces back! – and talk with it. All with a serious face, just the occasional mischievous grin. Today she was moving back and forth between sides, trying out different positions, not in any rush. Latched on to the right, she absentmindedly played with the left. In, out. Back and forth. And then, the problematic one: squeeze! After a few too many forcible retractions of her death grip, I let her know that that wasn’t okay. I covered that side and said “Bye bye” to let her know it was going away. Still latched, still sucking, she looked over at the nipple and waved.

She has a 3-word vocabulary! And it’s adorable! Mama; buh (= baby); and bye bye. Bye bye is comprehension rather than expressive but she totally gets it.

After a clothing melt-down a few days ago when I realized that I had nothing – nothing – to wear to work, I’ve been doing some purging and shopping so that I can avoid such panic in the future and meet my goal of looking professional. Today out for a walk we stopped in my favourite shoe shop. It’s downtown, and they stock expensive, cool and ultra comfortable shoes. I’m definitely at a point in life where it is all about shoe comfort. I simply won’t bother wearing ones that aren’t comfortable. And shoes are one area of my wardrobe where I am willing to pay. They’re in end of season sale mode and after trying on a few I settled on respectable-looking black sandals for work (skirts, etc.) and an exceptionally comfortable and moderately nice-looking other pair. In the process I realized that my feet have reached a horrifying state of neglect as toenails are one task I rarely find time for in my bathroom rush. But truly: repulsive. So tonight I waxed, exfoliated, cleaned, clipped. Tomorrow I’ll polish and will feel much better about the whole thing. All in all, steps forward in caring for my body, for my presentation (professional, not glamorous – there must be ego here, but also maturity and responsibility, I hope), for myself. Self-care needs to be part of my inner peace. Looking good frees me from thinking about how I look. I’m okay with this.

The last few morning I’ve been racing out the door to get to work, bags hanging off each arm, dashing back to the house to pick up one final item. Not organized; not peaceful; not the way I want my mornings to go this coming year. Though we’re not there yet I am thinking about ways to streamline my packing and routine so that we can get in and out with ease. I also want my daughter’s sense of the start of the day to be full of grace and peace, not rushed and chaotic. I want to be able to go places without stress and baggage. Husband and I will be working on this project.

So there it is: a medley of personal peace projects. Highly personal.

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