Not sure if this is the latest phase of pregnancy, but I’ve been hit with real tiredness and headaches lately. My head was achy most of Sunday, which was okay because I could sleep, and then most of today, which wasn’t okay because I was at work. Sore, hard to concentrate with bouts of mild nausea and difficulty concentrating. Our midwife said that for some women, headaches and migraines get better during pregnancy, and worse for others.
I think part of the difficulty is that I’m still too focused on what I want to get done before the baby comes – and my body is not really into the pace of life I’d need to get things done. So I’m more anxious and stressed than I’d like, and am not taking enough time to rest and recover and enjoy life. Even knowing this it is a HUGE struggle to let go of some of the things I want to accomplish. It means accepting limitations, changing my sense of self, acknowledging that long-term priority projects may never become reality, or at least in the way I imagined them. It involves seriously questioning the last vestiges of my academic career, and the value of “material” accomplishments like publishing, writing, participating in discourse about social issues. In other words, slowing down feels like giving up an important part of who I am and I am very resistant to doing this.
On the other hand, I don’t see a choice as my time and energy are limited and my list of things to do is not. And I can either give up resentfully, or I can go through the effort of seriously questioning my values and reprioritizing everything about my life so I can be happy with my choices. Exhausting.