My private thoughts

And fantasies, too.
Baby is nursing to sleep in the middle of the day. I’m sitting in bed, holding her. My brain goes:

“Good, she’s going to sleep. Probably be out for almost 2 hours. I might blog, get that done. Or maybe I’ll get around to working on the course – lots of prep work to do. Ooh, I’m hungry. I could whip up a cake, make some tea, and then do some email while it’s cooking. Mmm, that movie I started to watch last week … this would be a perfect time to finish it. Or an episode of Diva. Maybe while I’m making the cake I can start dinner, just something quick like chopping the onions. Or maybe I should just relax … get the tea, then sit in bed and read. I’m really enjoying my book right now. Or some magazines! I’ve got a few left in the stack and I’d love to flip AND finish looking at them. Oh wait, there’s a load waiting to get hung in the washer. I could do that. Maybe I’ll pop in a load of darks while I’m at it – baby’s running low on pants. I’ve been meaning to get to the entrance area too, so I could give that a clean-out. Oh, while I’m going through the kitchen I might as well unload the dishwasher. But then, absolutely, after that’s done I’ll put my feet up and do some reading.”

Baby switches breasts, I switch to lying down.

“Boy, I really would love to curl up with a novel. How long has it been? Well, okay, I read one last week, but I mean, really sit down with a book and a blanket and just read? I’ve got that one on the shelf I’m saving. I could treat myself and just sit and read. Ooh, with a cup of milky camomile tea. Delightful! And some roasted almonds. Yum, tamari honey-roasted. I’ve messed up the last 2 batches but I will get it right this time. I’m quite hungry, actually. I should heat up some soup and have that before I read. And speaking of hungry, when did baby eat last? I really need to get something going for her for the next meal. I’ll soak some mung beans maybe, and start a rice dish. She loves pilafs. And I just want to pop over to my email again – waiting for a reply.”

Baby finishes the breast, switches to the bottle.

“ooh, almost there. Sweet, wonderful, beautiful, adorable, beloved child. Sigh … I love her so much. Oh, and it will be so great to have a little break in the middle of the day. I so need a break. I’m wiped out from cooking and playing and diaper changes. And she really needs the rest, too – she’s been yawning for an hour. Aah, a break. A book. That’s what I’ll do. Email, blog, dinner prep, bake a cake, hang the laundry, some quick reading for the course, tea, and a book.”

Baby rolls over and snuggles into the blankets. Sighs. Wriggles. Waits. Wriggles.

And sits up.

New fantasy, in reality: my baby smiles at me and I fall in love all over again.