Since getting pregnant I’ve been torn by two contradictory impulses: the desire to clean, organize and finish as many things as possible before baby comes; and the desire to rest. For the first time ever, I have a really good reason NOT to push myself as hard as I can to finish as much as possible. It’s a funny feeling to sit back and rest when I look at my long to-do list, or see my sweet husband moving around the house and yard, getting things done and taking care of me at the same time. It’s also a wonderful feeling to say that right now, my top priority is taking care of myself and my babies and that means listening to my body: rest when my body says rest. Get to work late if I need to sleep in. Skip a meeting if I know it’s not the right thing for me right now.
While some would say that learning to rest is poor preparation for the busyness of parenthood; and others would say to enjoy the break now because I won’t get this luxury after baby is here; I find it connected with the arrival of baby through the way it is pushing me to change my mind-time orientation. While I consider myself a pretty grateful person and I do enjoy life while I’m living it, I tend to plan and work and organize to achieve an unachievable future state of completion. Slowing down like this is pushing me to listen more to my body; to focus on enjoying the process of being rather than feeling satisfied because of what I’ve done (past) in preparation for a more organized future. I hope that this being in the moment mind will help me appreciate more the process of being with sweet and sometimes challenging little babies, and be a more nurturing, present and attentive mother to them.
So I’ve been enjoying the last couple of weekends, complete with afternoon naps most days, and things getting done but stopping the “get it done” process when my body and soul say it’s time to stop.