Today was kind of about anti-acceptance.
\nI hit the ground running, tackling emails as they came in and prepping for a big day at work. My afternoon meeting was cancelled so I was ready for a full-on productive day.<\/p>\n
And suddenly, mid-morning, I had an irresistable urge to compare myself to others. I just had to know how much happier, accomplished, successful and attractive other people were compared to me and my sad little life. So I googled and facebooked and compared.<\/p>\n
Would you believe it? I suck!<\/p>\n
Also surprising: my productivity didn’t increase after all that research!<\/p>\n
A few hours later, after a yoga class and talking with my husband, I pulled it together and got some work done. A visit from a wonderful student who wants to use me as a reference helped. I am still left with lingering negative feelings. Guilt over not getting the most out of my day. Frustration that I still waste time comparing myself to others. Regret that I somehow still lack a sense of inherent self-worth or satisfaction with my life.<\/p>\n
Then of course, I drove to pick up my daughter after work. I see her face break into a smile at the window as she turns to run and greet me at the top of the stairs. Then I arrive home to a welcoming husband who tells me to get into the bath and relax, makes supper, and gives me Valentine’s chocolates. In between I visit with my loving and supportive parents. It really does a disservice to the amazing people who are my family when I’m this ungrateful for what I am doing with my life. I don’t know why I think there’s an objective standard of accomplishment, a common yardstick for measuring worth that runs along a single track. In fact, we are all unique, all given special gifts and constraints and opportunities and inspirations. There’s no one yardstick for success, and none of us is in a position to judge what someone else has done with her life.<\/p>\n
And we all have the opportunity and responsibility to choose the life we want to live. I actually, at this point, don’t really want a high-pressure life. And I am quite taken with the idea of home schooling my girl. A choice like that would certainly not register high on the accomplishment scale I was applying this morning. Yet it could be a life full of joy, love and value.<\/p>\n
Above all, I need to own my choices and rejoice in them. If I’m living my life, I choose to love it. If I’m not loving it, I can choose to make it something new.<\/p>\n
So my choice for tonight and tomorrow is to celebrate where I am and who I’m with.<\/p>\n
With that, I’m going to drink tea, eat chocolate, read a bit and maybe purge. Because THAT is my choice, and I love it!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today was kind of about anti-acceptance. I hit the ground running, tackling emails as they came in and prepping for a big day at work. My afternoon meeting was cancelled so I was ready for a full-on productive day. And suddenly, mid-morning, I had an irresistable urge to compare myself to others. I just had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"saved_in_kubio":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[62,203],"class_list":["post-250","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self","tag-comparing","tag-self-criticism"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/250","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=250"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/250\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=250"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=250"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kamillamilligan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=250"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}